State Fair 2007

Once again I have decided to make myself feel important and convince myself that people are genuinely interested in my life by adding another post...

Nothing brings out the best in people more than a state fair. And nothing defines a state fair more than a multitude of mullets. This was a day that will live in infamy; for not only did I see every type of mullet imaginable--from the skullet to the female mullet (abbreviated to femullet (pronounced fe-mew-lay))--but I also witnessed Terkules the mammoth turkey strut his stuff in the world-renowned Utah State Fair Turkey Stampede.

And so, now, drumroll please...I present the mullet gallery.

This was the prize possession. Sexy golden locks draped this woman's shoulder, in addition to frumpy poof bangs. With the sunset's soft kiss, this woman's femullet (once again, fe-mew-lay) quickly turned this lass into a bronze babe.

Although not quite as exciting, this man's mullet is run-of-the-mill, the classic cap accentuating the mullet's adorning of the neck

Medium sized beauty reminiscent of a stallion's tail...no more words needed

The quintessential biker mullet that any mullet gallery of any importance will have. Girls, think of that mane billowing in the wind, as you ride off in the sunset on the back of his Harley...wow, that wasn't cliche or anything.


The double mullet...a match made straight from heaven. I can't decide which mullet is prettier but those locks are almost seductive.

Although difficult to see, this man had the trashiest of all mullets. With a buzzed head and a mega mane, this dude exemplifies the skullet spirit.

Mullets, though, were only a small part of the State Fair Bonanza. For one, there was Harold, the cow whose fate was made by the product of his own making--butter. Somehow, Harold was transmogrified into a dairy delight. And, boy, was he ever a delight.

Then there was the rodeo. Some brilliant individual thought that it was a good idea--and somehow, as depicted in the following picture, equated patriotism with rodeos--to have a paraglider enter the rodeo grounds as we sang the star-spangled banner. Personally, I can't think of a more patriotic thing to do, a better way to venerate those who brought us freedom, a more introspective method of revering those who have gone before us, a more appropriate way of teaching our youth to carry on the mantle of liberty...than to watch a paraglider bring a flag into a rodeo grounds and then to watch cowboys get bucked around by gyrating beasts. Evidently, so did others.

Nothing, though, got the crowd so involved more than the chance to set a guinness world record. You know, the book that champions people to see how many muskrats they can eat without contracting a disease or the record for lint balls collected from a single dryer in one day. On this day, however, it was the first time in the history of mankind that someone jumped through a loop of fire while driving a bathtub. We're talking about an epic event folks...the invention of the wheel, the printing press, going through fire in a bathtub--all these events mark the pinnacles of human achievement and creativity.

The bliss did not end there. For Turkules, the mightiest turkey in the land--or at least the fair grounds--still had clout to impose. For in the Wild West Turkey Stampede only one turkey could have the vigor, fortitude, and size necessary to bully the ring. That Turkey was Turkules--in all of his growth hormone glory.


And then there were the earless goats. Nobody would have accused them of cutting their ears off until they come right out and say "We didn't cut them off," (see picture, right) especially as they marker through the line after it.

What a priceless day of trashy delight. Turkules, Harold, earless goats, mullet-titudes of mullets, spooning pigs--what else could one want to see in a single day?