Monday, September 1, 2008

Bus rides

So, this is my home for the next four years at the University of Hawaii Medical School. As you can see, it may prove to be a little tough to study...

Meanwhile, it takes me an hour and change on the bus to get to school, which I seriously don't mind if just for the stories to tell. What other bus in the nation cleverly calls itself "The Bus" (you know, in case there was any doubt as to its identity)? And what better advertising slogan than the one it proudly proclaims: "No hassle, no fuss...catch The Bus." They hooked me in with that one. In the month that I have called "The Bus" my friend, there are a few things that I have noticed:
1) No matter how hard I try to strategically place myself, I always end up sitting next to the smelliest, grungiest person on board. And the few times that I manage to play my cards correctly, I sit next to the person with the most potent perfume on. What is wrong with me? Any suggestions to prevent this? Why do I attract the stink people?
2) The weirdest thing seen: A white rastafarian guy crouching (not sitting, mind you) with his feet on the seat sucking on his hair braids which must be harboring lice, scabies, and grilled chilled sandwiches.
3) The weirdest and most disgusting conversation overheard (captive audience thing, you know): A teenage couple talking about their intimate life together without the use of birth control.
4) There are lots of tittah moms who use the bus. Just think of an overweight, grouchy 300 pound woman with a constant scowl, well-rounded cankles, and rotten teeth. Now imagine her thunderous man-like voice and untempered anger...scary. Even scarier...hearing her try to speak a complete sentence.
5) Why do all the thugs have to sit in the back? Even when there are empty seats up front and none in the back, they seem to just pile back there.
6) I swear all bus drivers know each other. Every bus driver feels compelled to wave to a fellow passing bus driver...its the bus driver comraderie. They don't wave to anyone else, much less acknowledge you when you come aboard (their work is done for them by an electronic voice: "Aloha. Welcome aboard The Bus").

I am sure there will be more to come...


Katri said...

You get me laughing to the point of crying every time.

runnermonkey said...

Gotta love public transportation. I've found the best way to combat unwanted odiferous seat neighbors is Febreeze. A couple of squirts, and you've got yourself an odor-free bus ride, not to mention one less shower that your bus buddy has to take.

Steve said...

School looks like a resort. You should be able to get a great price on a carrel during the off-season.

: ) Paula said...

(Jamie and Shelley's sis) I heard a comedian explain why people on The Bus are "special." Busses are human garbage trucks. Memories! We've lived on the mainland for about 7 years, but when we visited, we HAD to catch The Bus with our boys. Enjoy UH and the warm weather!